Act 1 Scene 1        [ Enter QUEEN Lily, Princess DAISY, her fiancé Prince WALTER, Lady HYPOCHONDRIA]
DAISY:                 Well, here one goes again. Doing one's duty by the populace. Knee-deep in peasants. Loyal greetings, National Anthem, hearty rustic feast. Quiche again!
WALTER;               Oh, I don't know, Daisy - I rather like quiche.
DAISY;                 You would. And if  a single bar of Daisy, Daisy is even hummed, one will scream. Why couldn't you have called me Veronica, or Viola, or even Marguerite, mother?  Something up-market!
QUEEN;                                 Oh, can it, Daisy! Be thankful I didn't call you Parrottia, or Busy Lizzie! You're a right snob!
DAISY;                 Thank you, mother.  One does one's best.  Nothing but the best will do.
QUEEN;                                 Away, they're smashin'!  Those moustaches!  An' handsome an' muscular!
DAISY;                 Yes.  So are the men.  Unlike some.  Isn't that right, Wally?
WALTER;               Oh, come on, Daisy, old girl, we can't all be Arnold Snotsenbagger.  You know the fellow - played Dumbo.
DAISY;                 Ah, yes.  Flew by flexing his pex.  Who could forget him? [Sniffs]  When there are so many real men about to remind one of him...

Scene 2.  The roadside

[Enter MARCUS, carrying cat, singing 'The Road to the Isles'. Enter FAIRY Godrnother, behind]
MARCUS;              Well, Tom!  This morning I was owner of a third of a prosperous mill, and you had a secure corner by the fire.  Now I'm poor, and you're out on the road with me.  But maybe it's not such a bad thing after all.  I can go where I please - become anything I want! A  rich merchant!  A black pudding bender!  A poet! A brain surgeon!  Marry a princess, even!  I'll find my dream yet!  [Sings.]   I'll climb every mountain - ford every stream -    [FAIRY waves wand; MARCUS freezes.]
FAIRY;  Oh, Heavens, would you look at that!     The time's just shooting by!  
I just can't wait to help the lad -               I really have to fly.
That dreadful little Goldilocks is near the 3 bears' wood.                   
A fright from Father Bear will do           that brat the world of good!
I’ll have to do for Marcus here                the same I did for Daisy.,                 
And hope it all works out. Oh, dear,       this rushing drives me crazy.
Abracadabra, Alkazam!                           Now, by this magic spell,                          
Let this cat walk and talk - and let           him do it rather well!  [Waves wand over cat; it changes to CAT]
Now, puss, I'm leaving it to you             to see it all comes right.                 
Look after him in place of me -               he's really not that bright.
OK? Goodbye, dear - I must rush!          Oh, yes - I must insist –            
The only rule is that you mustn't             tell him I exist.
[FAIRY heads off, singing;]     I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date;   No time to say Hello, Goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late -
CAT;                       Er - madam! Oy!
FAIRY [from off] ; Oh - sorry! Nearly forgot! [Waves wand in through curtains.]          
MARCUS [unfreezing] ; I've got my health and strength - I've got 6 pennies in my pocket - and I've got you, Tom!
[Sings]   Sure by city and by village and by castle I will go,  Where no-one is my friend or knows my name.
They think they've got me beaten, but that is all they know,  The road to fortune leads me on to fame!
[Speaks] Things could be worse!
CAT;                       Indeed they could.
MARCUS;              I said I felt there was a big change coming. I didn't realise how big! [Double take] Who said that?
CAT;                       There's not a big choice.
MARCUS;              You? You spoke to me? Have I lost my mind?
CAT;                       When did you last see it?
MARCUS;              It was you!  You were speaking, Tom!
CAT;                       My name is Valentine.
MARCUS;              You can talk!
CAT [sighs] ;         Mastermind.  Yes, I can talk.  No, I've never spoken before.  Warm fire, soft bed, fat mice, milk twice a day - what did I need to talk about?  But now that I've inherited you -
MARCUS;              I thought I inherited you.
CAT;                       A common fallacy.  People do not own cats.  People are owned by cats.  So.  What are your qualifications for being owned by a cat of my quality?
MARCUS;              Er...
CAT;                       A touching modesty. And very natural. But now, you have my living to earn, and I have a dreadful sensation that without my help and advice we're both going to get extremely thin.
MARCUS;              A talking cat!  We could join a circus!
CAT [icily] ;          I beg your pardon?
MARCUS [apologetically] ; I beg your pardon, Tom! Er - Valentine.